Emotional Regulation
Steps to becoming more in control of your emotional reactions
The top two problems most people have with their emotions are:
- Becoming emotional about things that they don’t think actually merits becoming emotional about
- In response to their emotions, acting in a way that they don’t approve of or feel regretful about afterwards
Therefore, a few main goals most people have about their emotions are to:
- Choose what they get emotional about and when, cultivating emotional awareness
- Decide how they react when emotions arise, improving emotional regulation
Unfortunately our nature doesn’t make it easy to reach these goals, however, there are a few simple practices you can try, that with ongoing mindfulness practice, can help you get there.
Gaining Control Over Emotional Responses
Gain insights into the triggers and patterns of your emotional landscape, giving yourself more space to consciously respond rather than unconsciously react. This requires daily, continuous practice—like a skill that can fade without constant attention, similar to playing a musical instrument.
Step 1: Track Emotional Episodes
Keep a diary of emotional episodes, noting specific triggers and patterns. This helps you identify recurring emotional triggers and moments where emotions feel heightened or repetitive. Journaling promotes emotional intelligence and self-awareness, laying the foundation for self-improvement.
Step 2: Increase the Gap Between Impulse and Action
Emotion triggers stem from past experiences stored in what’s termed an “emotional database.” Practicing mindfulness—about 20 minutes, four days a week—can gradually extend this gap. Mindfulness practice helps you recognize and control impulses, fostering stress management and anxiety reduction.
Awareness of Acting Emotionally
Develop the ability to notice when you are acting emotionally by becoming aware of your emotions as they arise.
Step 1: Observe Facial Expressions
When interacting with others, pay close attention to their facial expressions. These cues reflect your emotional impact and can enhance your empathy and compassion.
Step 2: Tune Into Physical Sensations
Notice changes in your body, such as tension, breathing, or temperature, as these differ with each emotion. Practicing awareness of these sensations strengthens emotional regulation and fosters a deeper connection to your emotional state.
The bottom line
Improving emotional control is challenging but rewarding. It is an ongoing practice, rather than a skill you acquire once and then have mastery over. Daily practice can lead you towards having greater emotion awareness, self-acceptance, and peace within yourself. It can also enhance your relationships, emotional well-being, and overall quality of life.
To expand your emotional skill set you may also be interested in:
- Emotions Revealed: Dr. Paul Ekman’s bestselling book about the nature and expression of our emotions.
- Micro Expressions Training Tools: Online training tools teaching you how to identify the micro and subtle expressions of emotions in yourself and others.
- Cultivating Emotional Balance: A secular training program created by Drs. Paul and Eve Ekman and other emotion researchers combining insights from Buddhist wisdom traditions, contemplative sciences and modern psychology.
